PonderEthereal

Cody has been doing wonderfully as a service dog. I take him with me almost everywhere I go now and it’s absolutely SO MUCH EASIER to go out with him. It makes getting out less of a source of anxiety.

A month ago, I would avoid going to the bank. Today, I’m going with nary a second thought. yesterday, we needed hamburger buns in the middle of the day, a time that I stay clear of stores, and I took Cody and got through it great!

I still can’t take him anywhere with shiny floors because it freaks him out but for short trips to a place with shiny floors, he can sit in the car. I saw a great dog whisperer episode that gave some REALLY great tips and I realize how I reinforced the shiny floor behavior now. I’m going to try to arrange an after hours training session…

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, which makes really simple stuff not quite so simple. When I was in my last relationship, we naturally ebbed and flowed so well together that my weaknesses were his strengths and although there were things that were annoyances to him, he always did like a girl who he could fancy weaker than himself. And so it worked.

In September, I went through a traumatic event that while did injure me physically, did more injury to me emotionally and mentally than anything else and compounded any difficulties I might have been having before that time. I was, at that point, dealing with severe depression and anxiety ALONG with Asperger’s Syndrome ALONG with PTSD. AND my main practical day to day support for the last six years, my husband, was gone.

I’ve done a lot of things to help myself recover as quickly as possible from the trauma of…

Last year, one of my students who’d been with me for a couple of years gave me a plant as a gift. It started to die eventually and I dejectedly told her that I couldn’t make anything stay alive. She assured me I could. We figured out that the pot didn’t have any drainage so the water was never being used and the plant was getting over watered. We put it in new soil and a new pot and within a week, it had new buds and was coming back to life.

I asked her to show me her plant magick. “How do you keep something alive?!” She told me it was easy and there really is no magick to it. “It’s just about listening to the plants.” “Great”, I though. “I have to be a Plant Lady who can talk to my plants to get it.”

So she brought…

Insomnia can be a result of a chemical imbalance, a side effect of another disorder such as depression or anxiety or simply the result of bad habits. I have found that even when battling insomnia that comes from anxiety and depression, forming stronger good sleep habits is an immense help.

In order to break bad sleep habits, you need to set new good sleep habits. If you’ve only been sleeping badly recently, breaking bad sleep patterns will be easier and you should be back to sleep in a matter of days. But the longer you’ve been practicing bad sleep habits, the longer it will take to break those habits.

The secret to creating new, better sleeping habits is repetition. Whatever your routine is, follow your routine to the letter for a while. The more closely you follow it in the short term, the better your new pattern will stick and…

My husband, someone I loved and trusted, intentionally harmed me. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have trusted him. Intentionally causing emotional and mental harm for however many years is definitely a precursor to physical harm and maybe I should have seen that. But I didnt. He was a fixture in my life for 14 years. My life was built around our relationship. And then suddenly, he was the thing that was putting me in danger. Suddenly, my the structure of my life was in peril… my home and my ability to take care of me and my son. And worst of all, suddenly, the thing that felt safest in my life meant danger.

For the first week or so, I was just in shock. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t remember, I couldn’t function. There was one day, Sexxyred1 took me to the doctor - maybe the day after it happened? And I…

Anxiety

• Magnesium - relaxes the body - great for mild stress or stress that causes moodiness
• Omega 3 - great for anxiety. You may need several thousand mg. It usually comes in 1-2000 mg gelcaps. You can use any source (fish oil, flaxseed oil etc)
• Melatonin - great for quieting racing thoughts at bed time. Melatonin is a natural chemical in the brain that signals the body to go to sleep… can be bought in supplement form and is non habit forming. Take at the same time every night to go to sleep. I prefer the extended release kind.
• Valerian - herbal sleep aid - I use a Valerian/hops mixture

Depression

• 5Htp - increases serotonin levels in the brain. Seratonin is the chemical that makes us happy.
• St. Johns Wort - natural anti depressant

Diet

• Cut out caffeine - caffeine causes a reaction in the body that mimics anxiety. Withdrawal can be horrid - replace coffee or soda with…

I traded massage for a session the other day. I got THE MOST AMAZING 3 hour Thai massage. She worked me up and down - twice. She’s kinda small to put so much oomph in it. Very thin and waifish. But I have massive sore spots everywhere, two days later. When she got done, I spent the rest of the day detoxing. I guzzled water like air and had a fever and felt woozy for a good 12 hours later. My skin, in some places, was hot to the touch - which makes sense, from an energetic standpoint. I’m not sure if there is a physical explanation for it.

I told her before we started about the posture thing I’ve been working on so she paid special attention to my hips. There were knots in places I didn’t even know I had hips.

I have this weird thing down the…

I noticed a couple of weeks ago, when I started to walk across a parking lot that I had to build momentum before I stepped out - like an old lady. A gave it some thought and I realized that when I walk, I walk between my hips. My core, my middle is doing nothing. I don’t know how else to describe it other than for each step, I’m walking from hip to hip as opposed to walking from my center. Often, my feet scuff when I walk.. I’m a lazy walker. And then I thought about all the times that I’m standing in line. I rest on one hip and then switch to the other.

So I started standing up straight. Not just from the waist up - because I think that’s what most people think of when they are told to stand up straight - but I started…

I woke up this morning.

I set rules for myself as I was opening my eyes. I must eat SOMETHING at least 3x a day. I must drink water. I must minimize screen time. I must be in bed by 11.

I walked the dog - briskly.

I smudged the house.

I did yoga and moved my body.

I fed Melek Taus and Cerridwen.

I vacuumed.

I feel like I can breathe now. How Ironic that the illness that has been afflicting me for the last week has been affecting my ability to breathe. All of my reiki and witchcraft students - all together now : DUH, bitch.

I understand that this is probably no big deal for you. But please, do not feel pressured to make small talk with me while you do your thang. Nothing says shut the fuck up like you sticking a long robotic arm thing up my twat. And while I understand that it is probably quite intriguing that I am a Spiritual Counselor and oh, I’m so young, if there was ever a time that I do NOT feel the least bit spiritual or like a counselor, it is whilst you are ’swooping’, as you call it, in order to get a real time shot of my left ovary. And that left ovary, btw, IS ATTACHED. SO. STOP. WITH. THE. SWOOPING.

That is all.

Sincerely,
Carrie