PonderEthereal

This morning, I woke the boy up and then went back into my room to finish getting ready, just like most mornings. While I’m busy convincing myself that it’s worth it to keep my eyes open, he usually gets up, puts some clothes on, does some sort of magic that makes it look like he’s always been this awake, brushes his teeth, takes his vitamins (mostly) and waits impatiently by the door for me to finish whatever I’ve forgotten at the last minute before he finally grabs my keys and goes to the car to wait.

This morning, however, was different. I rolled my eyes at myself in the mirror, flipped the light off and left my bedroom. I meandered towards the kitchen in that way I have in the morning where any given stimulus between the bedroom and the kitchen could convince me to turn tail and RUN back…

Ethan : Somebody told me that you have a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend…
Me : …that I had in February of last year.
Ethan : *amazed look* Morning, mom.
Me : Morning, babe.
——————–
Ethan : You left your cup out!
Me : Mine was in my bedroom.
Ethan : That’s no fair - there is nowhere I can leave mine out.
Me : In the sink.
Ethan: But that’s impossible!
—————————
Ethan: The depressed kids are the popular ones.
Me: Oh?
Ethan : Yeah… have you ever seen the kids with the hood pulled down and their hands in their pockets?
Me : Yeah..
Ethan : Those are the cool ones.
(Hm.)
———————
Me : They say when someone is going to die, their life flashes before their eyes.
Ethan : Well that doesnt make sense. Because if you’re 10 and your life flashes before your eyes, it would take 10 more years and you’d be 20 before you died.

…

Being a single parent means that all of the job stuff, all of the household stuff and all of the parenting stuff gets done by one person - me. And sure, kids are great for slave labor around the house but I can only beat him so much before he cries uncle - and the tub STILL isn’t really “clean”. And were I to delegate meal planning or cooking, we’d have Ramen every night with mac and cheese once in a while for good measure. And maybe some fruit loops.

I’m not a very good cook. I mean.. I AM when I try - but for me, it’s SO MUCH EFFORT and time. It’s not something I enjoy. When I am very organized, I use my gtd friendly meal planning system :
1) I have a list of all of the meals that my family likes. If we try something new…

Could I just say that I am on the tippy, tippy edge of this thing we call preadolescence and I’m already wishing for a swift blow to the head?

He had sex ed a couple of weeks ago. And apparently the sex ed was very detailed because he got to see a picture of a vagina (insert mysterious oos and ahs here) and he got all of the details about a period and how exactly babies are born. And now? Sex is ALL he thinks about. EVERYTHING now is a sexual innuendo… and I’m his mom. I can’t imagine what it’s like with a bunch of 9 year old boys.

And? The meltdowns are so much worse. He is on the autistic spectrum so we’ve always had meltdowns… but these? These are like nuclear disasters. Re faced screaming and tears over how MEAN mom is and weepy, the sky is falling,…

Ethan : He’s working like 24-7.
Me : No… he works but he’s got a social life too. A social life is good.
Ethan : Well, YOU don’t have a social life!

Most long time readers will know that my 9 year old some has some issues with impulse control and behavior in school and socially. This is, in large part, due to his Asperger’s Syndrome and in small (but not inconsequentially) part due to a very highly intelligent mind and strong will.

He is consistently disciplined and rewarded at home and I’m very involved in his world but it’s just not sinking in. And where his disability is concerned, only seen and experienced consequences help. Where zero tolerance and potentially legally dangerous acts are concerned, waiting for legal consequences is not an option I want to explore. So I decided to take him to the San Diego Juvenile Hall Open House.

It was absolutely fabulous. There were booths set up outside, first of all, so while you’re waiting in line to go on the tour, you’re passing educational booths about the facilities…

We were driving home today and I was telling Ethan about court yesterday and about the upcoming criminal trial.

me: “That’s when the jury will decide if he goes to jail or has probation or whatever.”
Ethan : “Do you have to see him there?”
Me : “Probably. ”
Ethan : “Does he have a lawyer?”
Me: “Yup.”
Ethan : “His lawyer will fight against him?”
Me : “No… his lawyer will help him try to convince the jury he didn’t do anything.”
Ethan : “Can they DO THAT?! He’s the bad guy!”
Me: “They can try… ”
Ethan : “Why is he allowed to have a lawyer?”
Me: “Because in America, if you are charged with a crime, you have a right to an attorney.”
Ethan: “Even bad guys? Even if they really did it?”
Me: “Even if they really did it.”
Ethan ….
…. …
… … …

Ethan : “I want an attorney when I get in time out!”

…

As I left my muffin of perfection in the care of his nervously quivering teacher, I pressed a sticky note into the teacher’s hand. “It’s my phone number… and name. You’ll be screaming it later.”

I helped Emma pack. I gave gave her a new journal with everyone’s contact information in it. I told her she could call me any time, no matter what. When her mom came, I told her I loved her and to be good and stroked her hair one more time and then she walked out the door. I called after them to drive careful and fly safe and then I closed the door.

I remember when I put Ethan into his dad’s van, thinking it would only be for a couple of months, and then his dad told me he was taking him. I screamed and cried and when I watched him drive away with my baby, my heart followed them and didn’t return to me until a long time after. When I closed the door, yesterday, I felt a very similar lurch. Maybe not as extreme, because maybe I’ve…

I took Ethan out tonight. First we went to see Kung Foo Panda. No… first, I made us peanut butter and jellies and THEN we went to see Kung Foo Panda. We screeched in just in time to miss the previews and found seats right on the isle. The movie was definitely a giggler. In fact, it was more fun going to watch it when kids were in there because something would happen on the screen and every kid in the place would start laughing with those cute little belly laughs until they were about to pee in their pants. We left arm in arm laughing about the pinky move.

As we laughed our way out onto the sidewalk, we saw a new Japanese restaurant right outside the theater. I said without thinking ‘we could go eat Japanese’ and so he pulled me in and we were seated. I ordered…