PonderEthereal

I sipped my coffee. Ethan whirled into the room, giggling, followed in seconds by a playful dog and out the other side they whirled again.

It was still drizzling outside. Every now and then the wind would whip through the tree tops and the chimes outside the window would sound. I shivered and wrapped my hands closer around the hot mug, glancing at the stove. The muffins were almost done. My stomach growled in response.

And then I saw her. I wasn’t quite sure what I saw at first. I reached forward across the table, with my sweater pulled over my hand and wiped at the fog on the window. Yes… there she was. Dark hair, mussed, draped in shabby clothing that looked gray with dust. But despite the dust or the drizzle outside, she held herself as thought she were taking a stroll in the sunshine down m tree lined street.…

Antivirus Soft is devil spawn. My computer is protected to the teeth and somehow it still managed to not only sneak onto my computer via just going to a website (not opening or clicking anything… and not even a porn site - because that might have been more worth it) and when I noticed it, my spyware and virus programs didn’t recognize it.

Antivirus Soft masquerades as anti virus software - but it’s malware. As part of it’s masquerade, it has a little green shield that appears in your system tray and it pops up ‘virus warnings’ every few seconds and blocks other applications from running - especially the anti spyware/malware/virus software that you immediately run in order to get rid of it - and even Task Manager.

There are other sites with removal instructions on them - but the recommended malware software didn’t find it, no one addressed the fact…

Earlier tonight, Ethan missed his orchestra recital. He was SO excited about this recital. He missed it, in the end, because of the band teacher’s failure to follow his 504 plan. I’ve had this post on tap for a few days but I think watching my Aspie kid cry his eyes out the whole way home and then be ok an hour later drove the point a little deeper.

I posted not too long ago about the great success we’ve had in the past few months. That success has continued unbroken for almost two solid months now. Almost long enough to breathe a sigh of relief… but I’m still flinching. I went for a massage this weekend and after the massage, I was talking to a friend about some of the emotional stuff that surfaced and I said “I’m still on the lookout.. I’m still on alert. It could still happen…

… have hearts that beat and eyes that blink.
They have big impact on lots of people without meaning to or knowing how.
They could pour out their deepest, darkest secrets and still maintain a type of effortless innocence that can’t be learned.
They can make you breathe a little faster because something in you knows they have a purpose and that they mean something.

that breath halting moment
away from the moment
that fly off occurs
from landing of butterflies.
Beauty so deeply,
breathtaking, so quickly.
A sideways askew view
of realness is sinking
and layers dismissing
themselves away softly
to leave something delicate,
something mistakenly left out by chance.

Ethan, while having an AS dx, also exhibits possible, by undx, attention deficit problems. Not undx for lack of looking, mind you (he’s been through two psych evals in his short life), but not the paramount issue. I’ve tried a few things that positively affected the AS symptoms but had very little effect on the attention deficit symptoms.

(And just for the record - I did sit in on his class one day during a ’shadow the student’ day - and OMG, tedious and monotonous. I really don’t fault young kids for not being able to sit still through that. It was HORRIBLE! In fact, I question the sanity of a young child who CAN sit still through that and have a brain left that is anything but numb. Maybe I could start a movement to treat overly attentive children.)

While in a client session one day, the client told me that…

If I could tell you something you need to know about me it’s that …
If I could say what I really mean to say, it would be that …
I see so much in you, like…
There is something I know for sure. That is…
If I could tell you the one thing I never got a chance to say it’s that I …

If there were a way to surmount it. The necessity of being careful. The knowledge that anything gently meant and lovingly placed, said too fast, to soon, to loudly, without the proper steps, isn’t heard as loving or gentle. So it stays in careful places like between the lines, in quiet looks, behind a laugh, in days of silence, in moments of tension, beyond the meaning. It’s all there, carefully kept and one day, in a month, in a year, in ten years, in a hundred, it will have…

by William Ernest Henley

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Online dating kinda has a reputation for being a little bit scary. You get to hear what they SAY they are like and maybe see a picture or two - and then you are face to face with them at possibly one of the most wonderful - or horrific meetings you’ve ever had. But, if you use face reading, there is a whole lot you can tell about a person before you ever decide to meet them.

I took a class by Barbara Roberts on face reading a couple of years ago and what I learned from that one class has been invaluable in online dating. That said, one picture is only one moment in time. Some of the more changable features might only be indicitive of that moment. I want to see more than one picture of a person and I really only read for the things that are most important…