A La Aspie

I think that those of us with Asperger’s Syndrome are neuroevolved. I made that up. It’s a great word though. To my fellow aspies, please take a moment and apply that label generously to yourself and bask in the warmth of being an evolved being rather than disabled.

It makes most neurotypicals uncomfortable to confront raw, negative emotion. Which is an interesting concept seeing as how I’ve always assumed it was me that was uncomfortable facing raw emotion. But really, its not so much that I’m uncomfortable with it as I HAVE it and experience it without filters that neurotypicals have and I just don’t know how to filter it into something reasonable or sensible all the time. It’s too much for an NT. All of this raging emotion - whether exuberant or angry. Most NTs just flat out don’t like it and would much prefer that I go to all lengths to hide it if it isn’t pleasant.

Let’s just get it out in the open that I really don’t give a fuck what you’re comfortable with. I am not equipped to NOTICE what you’re comfortable with - FOR A REASON. I was built that way and there is not a damn thing wrong with the way I was built. And I, a neuroevolved, RESENT that I HAVE to CONSTANTLY ATTEMPT to pretend that everything is fine and dandy when it isn’t… for the sake of professionalism or otherwise.

Sometimes, I would really like to rip your face off and shove it down your throat. And sometimes, that’s not so easy to hide. And you know what? That is an entirely normal reaction when you act like a bitch to me or when I have to put up with layer upon layer of other people’s idiocy or bad attitudes. And you know what else? I resent it when you try to put on a smile and a nice face and act like everything is ok to me when it isn’t. I hate that I have to fucking GUESS what you’re REALLY feeling because you’re SO fucking concerned about the image of everything being ok even when it isn’t. And when I’m pissed and don’t hide it well, YOU get pissed because I’m showing I’m pissed - and that just PISSES ME OFF even more.

And THAT is the beauty of being neuroevolved. If more people were neuroevolved like those with Asperger’s Syndrome, the world would be a better place. Experience RAW, unfiltered emotion for a change - EVEN WHEN IT’S ANGER. What is SO fucking wrong with just being able to be flat out righteously pissed at someone? Maybe if the world spent more time REALLY being pissed at people who deserve it, the idiots of the world would get the fucking point and people wouldn’t have to be so pissed all the time anymore. Instead, it’s just SO much fucking easier to tiptoe around everyone, isn’t it? Then we never fucking have to confront anyone and we can continue to cater to the assholes and the idiots and they can continue to believe that it’s acceptable for them to act that way. Because that makes so much goddamn fucking sense.

Being emotionally raw and honest is an evolution from eternally putting on facades. Sometimes, it is apparent to me that I’m not disabled… I’m better-abled.. and the world… it just never saw me coming.

Also may have been crossposted to my Asperger's Syndrome blog on Trusera.com, a site where people show health related stories. Check it out!