Beyond the Surface

One of my teachers was in town this week and I got to spend a ton of time with him and, among other things, he told me about the Santeria priests of a particular Orisha (Oshun, maybe?) who are often tasked with healing others via sex and when the healing has occurred, the healed usually go on their way. So being a priest of this deity is kind of a double edged sword. In order to offer healing, the priest has to get close to whoever they are healing and almost inevitably, that person goes away.

Sometimes there are people who are pulled into my life for a reason and I’m so sure of it that I can almost taste it. There is something they need from me. And sometimes it takes lots of time for that reason to really show up and I puzzle over it for a long time… trying to decipher it, to translate it into a language that I can understand so that I can read the work order. :) When that reason is revealed, it’s like scratching a hard to reach itch. When that purpose is completed, it’s like a sudden sigh of relief and all sense of purpose is almost suddenly gone. I don’t heal with sex but I have to love them to give them what they need. There is no other way to do it. Then they go on their way and it’s heart wrenching every time. I can’t say ‘dont leave’ a million different ways and it’s always the same - because that’s how it works.

Part of this ah-hah moment came out of a sudden realization last week that I have a really severe abandonment complex. Maybe that complex exists because I perform this role naturally … or maybe the role comes out of the complex. Perhaps there can be some greater purpose in being an emotional masochist after all.