Beyond the Surface

We pulled up to his day care this morning and he asks

“Mom… what is the OTHER meaning of gay?”

I pull out my checkbook to write a check and used the moment to rush my thoughts together.

Me: “Well… there is the gay that means happy and there is the gay that means homosexual.”

Doh! There is that s-e-x word. And THAT will be the only syllable in the entire sentence that he hears. That word that he’s heard whispered in the bathroom by other little boys who don’t know what it means any more than he does. OH THE CURIOSITY.. MUST - KNOW - WHAT - SEX - IS.

Him: “HomoSEXual? What does that mean? ”
Me: “It is when someone loves and is attracted to only people of their own gender.”
Him: “Oh… are you homosexual?”

Quick! In 2 seconds or less.. do you come out to your son or not? He’s six. Will he understand? Yes.. Can he use discretion? Yes… Will it benefit him? Yes…

Me: “No.. I’m bisexual.”
Him: “What does bisexual mean?”
Me: “It means I am attracted to and can fall in love with people of either gender.”
Him: “Oh… I think I’m bisexual.”

Is this it… is this really that moment that every queer kid has before they really understand where they just KNOW? Or is he just wanting to be like mom? Should I encourage discovery or patience?

Me: “Oh? Well… maybe you are. It’s possible! We should probably give it some time and wait and see. What if you’re straight?”
Him:“What is straight?”
Me:“It’s when you only are attracted to or fall in love with the opposite sex.”

DAMNIT! There’s that word again. Dont say ’sex’. Dont say ’sex’.

Him: “Oh. No.. I’m not STRAIGHT! ”

Said with the same tone of voice as if I had just plunked a plate of cooked spinach in front of him and he were holding a piece of it out in front of him between thumb and forefinger whilst pinching his nose with the other hand. Uh.. well… I guess that answers THAT.

Me: ….

We get out of the car. Memories of inappropriate things discussed with inappropriate people flash through my mind as a mob of small children tumble from the day care to get into the van.

Me: “I am totally all for whatever you wind up being, babe. I’m down for whatever. But babe, this is another one of those things that we don’t talk about outside our family. You can talk to me or Ryan or your dad or your stepmom… but really… this is a personal family thing.”
Him: “I know, mom. Some people don’t like people who are different. ”

And angels sang and god looked down and saw that mom was good and said ‘Great job, mom!’
Me: “You got it, kiddo. ”
Him: “Why?”

erm…

Me: “erm… ”
Me: “Well… people in general can be very intollerant or mean sometimes. And that’s just the way people are. It’s not just sexuality (doh!).. but it’s religion and race and other things too. There have been times when brown people were treated very badly because of the color or their skin just like people treat witches badly sometimes - or non-straight people.”
Him: “Thanks, mom.” *big smile up* *cute squishy lips waiting for a goodbye kiss*
Me: *smooching cute crinkled lips* “Bye babe… remember to love everyone today no matter how different they are.”
Him: *nodding eagerly* “I will, mom.”