Beyond the Surface

I’ve rewritten the first sentence of this post 4 times now. I’ve pondered what to say for at least 24 hours. As I packed my bags to come home yesterday, I wondered how to sum it all up. And from the moment we held hands and ran laughing from the goodbyes and the hotel to the time we gave lingering hugs goodbye, the weekend continued to unfold in our memories into something much larger than I think any of us really knew we had experienced in the moment.

I went to Pantheacon last weekend with sexxyred1, Starchild and Blue. It’s a really big annual conference that has happened for 13 years in which thousands of Pagans of all different paths descend upon Doubletree hotel in San Jose, CA and spend days together learning, networking and worshiping together. At face value, that is exactly what it appears to be. Having experienced it, I can honestly say, without exaggeration, that I have never experienced anything like that before and I have come away truly, truly changed.

Within hours of arriving, I was saturated by an energy of such a high rate of vibration that I was buzzing. We attended the opening ceremony which was severely understated, in retrospect. Then we were off to various classes. Classes were scheduled 5-10 per 1 hour time slot so it was a matter of picking and choosing which classes one wanted to attend. There were classes on all manner of subjects from the more mundane tasks of wheat weaving or easy ritual garb creation to the more esoteric like hypnosis or Enochian magick. There were classes from a variety of paths including but most certainly not limited to Dianic, Norse, Feri, Hindu, Voodoo and Santeria. There were classes on lifestyles and how they interact with spirituality. There were rituals, exercises, parties, informational booths, hospitality suites, vendors, rum circles, dances and every possible variation that a Pagan fetch would be delighted in, all happening at once throughout the entire hotel with different pagans mingling in each one, coming away with new awareness, understanding and experiences.

The people were - well, Pagan! And all four days was like walking among kin. In contrast to my every day life, it was so peaceful and so empowering to feel so instantly accepted and understood on a very deep, resonate level. There was no need to explain style of dress or the pentacle around my neck. When taking in different appearances and styles, the question of ‘why’ was removed and you were left only with the option of wondering at the fabric or admiring the shape and smiling and accepting.

I have to say that although I attended two other classes prior to this one, Intro to the Feri Tradition given by Annar was definitely the first impactful thing I attended and quite possibly the most life altering. I’ll leave the details for another post - but after two years of studying, the way she explained certain really basic concepts just ‘did it’ for me. I went back to my room to have the most amazing, personal, blessed, ecstatic divinity experience with God herself that I have ever had. I ‘came to’ long enough to walk down to the PombaGira Devotional - only to take myself back to my room and crash. I was told later that while I slept, I channeled the Star Goddess in a language other than English. Jai maa! She is truely amazing. But I needed to sleep so Starchild was kind enough to make her relinquish her hold. :)

I started the next morning out with Deity Work: Trance and Divine Possession with Kirk White. He was a wonderful teacher and was able to add some depth and dimension to a practice that I’ve only ever had input on from my own lineage. It was nice to hear that there are commonalities between what we learn and other paths. I will be purchasing the book Adept Circle Magic which covers some of what we talked about as well as some of what we talked about later in another of his classes, Heal, Hail, Holy: Diagnostic & Healing Skills for Energy Healers. It looks to truly be a book for the advanced practitioner.

Working the Iron Pentacle with Thorn in a group setting was an energizing experience. I’ve worked it with others in the room before - but never with so many at once. The insane amount of energy raised all around me took my own run to another level of intensity. Again, I was pleasantly surprised by the effect such a seemingly basic concept class had on me.

I started the next day with Hypnosis that Works with Donald Michael Kraig. He was nothing like what I expected! :) It was nice to take a class from an author I know and respect through his books and the class was very, very thorough and compelling. Hah.. no pun intended. As we neared the end of that day, I attended some of the most memorable events of the weekend. Kali Maa: Tradition, Devotion and Puja with Chandra Alexandre rocked my world. We chanted sanskrit syllables together, learned some new devotions and met the Great Mother Kali Maa with a priestess that is so devoted that she glows with it. What a gift! What an experience! We left that rite fairly buzzing - only to trip directly into the Feri ritual.

Having only experienced Feri ritual with my lineage and only within a setting in which oathbound liturgy can be used, this public Feri ritual with other lineages and energies involved, using non-standard ritual liturgy was really different for me. It was very well put together. It was ecstatic and sexy and powerful and healing all in one. 300 pagans spiral danced and chanted until we could barely stand up And then we danced and canted some more. What an honor to share that with my brothers and sisters. What a tribe experience!

I finished off my weekend with Primal Energetics with Elisa Lodge. What an uplifting, awareness-making class! We moved our bodies, we brought forth sound and noise from our animal places and we expanded and massaged our energy into living, non-static beings again.

And then we packed… and we finally circled up with our Feri family to say our goodbyes. And then we ran laughing from the hotel holding hands.

The weekend is still unfolding for me every moment of every hour. I find myself looking through eyes with more forgiveness and more love and more awareness and more compassion. My body moves like the animal I found in Primal energetics. I constantly touch base with the flower above me. I reach back and tap into the amazing ecstasy of the spiral dance. I remember the smiling faces and ‘Blessed Be’s on the packed elevators, in the common areas, in the hallways and I smile at someone who doesn’t know what Blessed Be means. I press the palms of my hands together and beam and nod my head to my massage therapist for his wonderful gift. I feel like the light I should be. I feel like the Priest I want to be. I reach out with a knowing and the strength of the love of my tribe. I am changed! Jai Maa!