Weight Again!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007 19:55So… about a week ago, I really started guilting myself. It went like this :
Me: “You said you were going to start losing weight again.”
Me: “I know… I just mumblemumblemumble… ”
Me: “Instead, you’re letting food… like… talk you into eating it! You’re eating everything! Here and there a bite - every single day - and you’re feeling guilty over every bite so you arent paying attention to it hoping it will go away… but it isnt. Hello?!”
Me: “I know… but… mumblemumblemumble… ”
Me: “You weigh 160 again! 160 pounds!”
Me: “I know… that’s so horrible.. I must have like gained 10 pounds because I was like… SKINNY. And I’ve been skipping out on my diet like FOREVER.”
And so it has persisted for like 2 weeks now. Last week, I cut caffeine, alcohol and sugar out for three days and it was the biggest struggle like EVAR. Today, I counted all of my calories thinking that today was a pretty good day only to find that they added up to 1600. Doh! So I exercised… out of guilt.
Then I pulled out my handy dandy spreadsheet from the hackers diet that I so dutifully tracked my progress on so that I could start over - and low and behold, I haven’t gained ANY weight since last time I recorded anything. Although I’m quite certain I got to 155, if it’s not logged, it didn’t happen. And? I reached my goal at the end of February. It’s only been 5 months - not the year that it’s felt like. it’s been a TOUGH 5 months and I’ve focused on what counts and I shouldn’t feel the least bit guilty… have I convinced myself yet? :) And so I’m picking up where I left off.. and without the guilt monkey that’s been lingering for the last two weeks. Thank GOD for logging this shit (a la the Hackers Diet). My brain can sure spin things out of control when it needs a guilt trip. Blah.
So.. My new goal awaits. Next up, I want to be a steady 150. I’m starting again today.. realistically.
Cathy says:
July 21st, 2007 at 11:15 am
I am at 160.
I wish you well.
I am fairly stuck here it seems.
I eat little but littel exercise due to knee problems.
Cathy says:
July 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am
oh no……………..
My comment went on there 5 times.. it looks like.
Ok help!!!!!!!!!
I will go on a calorie watch with someone else adn even exercise a bi tmore igf soemoen wants to buddy up.
Rob says:
July 22nd, 2007 at 4:19 am
Congrats on reaching your goal. Too many people in the magickal community either lack the discipline or just don’t care enough to improve themselves physically. Even Dion Fortune, while extolling the benefits of the philosophies of eastern practitioners on the western arts, dismissed the eastern idea of physical improvement as unecessary in the western arts. But she was a rather large woman and I think she just didn’t want to exercise.
Healthy eating habits and physical exercise help keep one emotionally well and stable and improves ones cognitive abilities, both of which are helpful to the practitioner. But I think it goes even deeper. I don’t think our bodies are designed to fully handle the various stresses we apply to them by practicing magick. We’re abusing our bodies far more than they were meant to be abused, and living a normal person’s life where we don’t exercise much, we don’t keep a good diet, and in which we consume drugs regularly (including nicotine and caffine), we ultimately end up wearing out our body at a young age and dying from it. A healthy lifestyle works to strengthen us and counteract some of the damage we inflict on ourselves by practicing magick.