Beyond the Surface

How can I take back my power without giving other people theirs back? I can’t unilaterally keep the beliefs that I have a right to keep all of my power and that other people do not have that right. Isn’t their right to keep their power as important as mine? How can I keep my power if one of my sources of power is taking it from others? Then it was never mine to begin with. I can’t expect to keep something that isn’t mine.

I used to be REALLY emotionally explosive. I would cry and get angry all the time and rather than just crying or being angry, I would explode with it. I fixed that with a few years of work, just on principal alone. But what I see now is that the OTHER thing that I was getting out of that explosiveness was ‘forcing’ that person to give me their power so that I felt better. So no… I don’t blow up and try to wrench their power from their hands anymore. Thank gods those issues are gone. But when I squelched those emotional issues, the issue of needing power remained (unseen). So I found subtler ways to do it. And now I see it and I don’t want to do it. Learning not to is an uphill climb. There is fear in learning not to. There is fear down to the depths of me. If I dont have their power, who am I? Existential crisis, much?

Giving other people their power back is something I’ve consciously learned slowly. I learned to do it in business. Then I learned to do it in friendships. Then I learned to do it in community. I learned that when I gave them their power back, my own power flowed through me so easily and lifted me up to places I could have never dreamed while clinging to the power of others. I feel better today, where I am in my life, than I have ever felt before. Now I’m learning to do it in relationships and parenting. Both of which, I think, are the most difficult to learn. I’ve learned how to be selfish about wanting their power for so long that it’s become habit. I need to open up those gates and let power flow freely through them and let them come alive.

It’s about ‘being reiki’. It’s about ‘being kala’. It’s about ‘being fully in pride, self and power. It’s about simply being the natural being we, as humans are meant to be. Fully connected and empowered as divinity. I see this mystery unfolding before me that I never even noticed there before. Thus is the nature of mysteries, I guess.

Fear is normal because it tells us that there is possible danger ahead. Some fears are worth running from because there is nothing constructive or productive in what they are warning us about. Some fears are worth facing because they warn us about staying away from boundaries we don’t need anymore. I’m afraid to relinquish power. But I don’t think that fear would have surfaced if I weren’t ready to truly grasp the rest of mine. The prospect is exciting. It’s exhilarating that I reached this place. It’s like discovering that I’m ready to be gifted with ability and status far beyond what I had before. But there is a WHOLE lot of fear and re-learning to make it through. I’m sure when I get there, it will no longer feel like a gift - and more like a hard earned position.

I have a choice - am I up for this? If not, I can pass.

Psha. I don’t know HOW to run, remember? :)